you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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