no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
