I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
