It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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