You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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