I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize