On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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