I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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