i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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