i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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