i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
