i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
