my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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