Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize