in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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