I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
