woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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