i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
