forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
