Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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