He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
