please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
