Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Is it penis luge time yet?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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