he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
