Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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