Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
