That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
