That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
