I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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