I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
