I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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