I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
