remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
