i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
