never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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