I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
