FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
