Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
