just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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