My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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