This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
