Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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