battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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