DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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