So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
