I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
