i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
