operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
