I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
bring money and cleavage
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Will exercising make me less horny?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
