She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
