At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
