I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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