I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
