Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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