____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
