He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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