i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
