ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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