I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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