That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
