sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
