Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
