So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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