Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And then my night got REAL pukey
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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