I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
