I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
