so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
