i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
