My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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