Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
