Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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