I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
