i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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