ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
