Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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