i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
