I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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