im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I am midnight drunk by noon
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
you made out with another girl for some wings
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
