Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
